August 5, 2006

"Iceberg lettuce is the *only* way to go when it comes to lettuce."

"Some people complain that Iceberg lettuce is just water, but this is why I like it. Anything else is too damned leafy. If I want that I can eat the trees out front thank you."

Amazon is selling groceries now, and the usual Amazon reviewers are serving up reviews of the various items. It seems silly, and many of the reviews are pure humor vignettes, but it seems to me that there's a real need to review your basic foods.

Take the tomato, for example:
I find tomatoes to be overrated. They're an important ingredient in many things, obviously, but as an item themselves they're of limited use. They taste alright, but their texture is too screwed up. The only time I ever really eat raw tomatoes is on hamburgers and sandwiches, and usually prefer not to have them, as they destablilize the whole sandwich so that it all falls apart. Obnoxious, that is.
We need to hear this! That's useful. It helps focus your thoughts about these ordinary foods that we're just witlessly eating. There are some specific problems that you might not really notice until someone pins it down with the right phraseology. Like once, decades ago, I heard someone say okra is mucilaginous. That was about it for me and okra. Now, with these Amazon reviews, the chances of me being grossed out by food previously thought inoffensive are vastly increased. On the other hand, it becomes possible to see the good in a previously scorned food, like iceberg lettuce. It's just water. And that's good.

16 comments:

knox said...

It's true, tomatoes have to be perfectly ripe or they're pretty pointless. And the texture of okra IS repulsive.

I'll admit it, every now and then, nothing hits the spot like an iceberg lettuce salad with ranch dressing! Yums!

SippicanCottage said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Beth said...

Some foods have nasty textures but are still sublime on the taste buds. Fried okra is an example, and okra gumbo, too. Let's just go whole hog and praise stewed okra and tomatoes: slimy but tasty.

I really, really like that observation about tomatoes "destabilizing" the sandwich. They do! I eat sliced tomatoes by themselves, with salt and pepper.

The Drill SGT said...

I agree with JB.

Fresh grown tomatoes are wonderful. They are really idiot proof to grow on your own and provide the best ROI of any home grown produce. Slices of Tomato, Mozzarella, basil, and a bit of vinaigrette on top.

Susan said...

Ah tomatoes! Just in time for National
Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor's Porch Night
coming up in just a few
days.

Der Hahn said...

I have jungle of tomatoes growing ... early girls, roma, grape, cherry, some called jelly bean (betwwen grape and cherry in size), an heirloom one. They are absolutely the best ROI for a home garden.

I just made a mess of salsa with jalapenos and anaheims, plus any of the ripe tomatoes I could find.

I'm going to be trying this tomorrow for supper. It looks like a good way to enjoy the BLT without the mess. (HT to my favorite TV chef, AB)

verification word : dshiuym... as in "dshiuym up more of them 'maters, ma".

Rick Lee said...

Hearts of Romaine. That's all I wanted to say.

knox said...

I do love kale too, but at times it can go like pac-man through your lower tract, even more so than other greens

Anonymous said...

Call any vegetable
(Call any vegetable)
Call it by name
(Call any vegetable)
Call one today
(Call any vegetable)
When you get off the train
(Call any vegetable)
Call any vegetable
And the chances are good
Ooooh! The vegetable
Will respond to you

Palladian said...

I've got two words for you: fiddlehead ferns!

Palladian said...

"I'll admit it, every now and then, nothing hits the spot like an iceberg lettuce salad with ranch dressing! Yums!"

In this scenario, the iceberg lettuce simply serves as a neutral carrier for the thing you really want to eat - the ranch dressing. It's like popcorn, which is simply a neutral delivery medium for butter and salt. Do what I do, skip the iceberg lettuce and drink the dressing out of the bottle.

Or if you simply must have a mild flavored lettuce, leave the iceberg in the crisper where it's been for the last 8 months and try the much superior tender Boston or Bibb lettuce. There are so many delicious greens! I prefer a more bitter salad.

knox said...

alas, my Kroger right around the corner doesn't carry Boston, I usually end up getting red leaf and a handful of that "Spring Mix" stuff to mix in.

Tibore said...

"...the iceberg lettuce simply serves as a neutral carrier for the thing you really want to eat - the ranch dressing. It's like popcorn, which is simply a neutral delivery medium for butter and salt."

Heh... that's how I view french fries: A delivery meduim for ketchup.

Mmmm.... ketchup (drools).

As far as iceberg lettuce... In my mind, it's the only proper choice for tacos. Why single out tacos? Well, 'cause I'm eating one as I post this, along with a terrific torta from one of the (dozens of) local latin eateries.

'Nother advantage for iceberg: It's not got a stupid high price for a head of it.

---

Word verif: chljrks. "Chill, jerks"? What, does the Word V think we're taking this way too seriously?

purple_kangaroo said...

Butter lettuce is fabulous . . . mild, delicate and sweet. It comes in a head like iceberg, but is much more expensive.

knox said...

garlic juice

Beth said...

I had a wonderful iceberg experience tonight that validated the Amazon review, and made me notice how much a part of good cuisine it can be.

After an hour in my unairconditioned black car, under scorching skies and in 98 degree heat, we decided on seafood salads for dinner. The restaurant was dark and cool, and the salads came quickly, with sliced boiled Gulf shrimp and lump Louisiana crabmeat on a simple salad of chopped iceberg, topped with remoulade dressing. It was cold, crunchy, and wet. My goodness, it was perfect.

Also on the salad menu was "Lettuce Wedge," a quarter head of iceberg with blue cheese dressing. Not on this menu, but a local favorite, is the very un-PC named Wop Salad, a wedge of iceberg with sliced tomatoes, onions, sweet peppers, parmesan, and Italian dressing.

I love the cool, sweet leaves of butter lettuce, the sharp tang of a leafy mix, but I'm not snobbish about the wonders of iceberg.